Hey girlie, hey sista
Yo brudda, yo brudda
Yo momma's got a brand new head...
no, she can't wear deez...
...but doze aren't too shabby (yah, that's right, they fit OVER my glasses.
But they are XOXO. Who woulda thunk?)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Vive la Montreal and St. Laurent Street Fashion
Last weekend we travelled to Montreal by train for our yearly reunion/ pilgrimage up to Mount Royal cemetary. Only this time it was a little more fun because we were joined by my cutie nieces (and their parents and MY parents; but the kids are so much cuter than the adults and will be displayed prominently here:)
My rugrats entertaining cousin J:
So this is my grandparents' gravesite. We've been coming here (almost) every year since I was born. Candles were lit; fresh flowers were planted, and if you look closely at the bottom right of the photo, you can see the lovely spread that was set out for the "meal". Chicken, dim sum yummies, butter rolls that you can only buy in Montreal (at least as far as I know).
Here's a better picture of the feast. Symbolic paper money and pyjamas were burned as an offering to the grandparents (see lower left corner). They have to be dressed in their finest, don't you know. I am sure they're proud of their granddaughter.
You'll notice everything is in "3's" - a good luck number in Chinese. And yes, there is booze there (although I did not imbibe; it's poured into the earth for my grandparents).
We had a lovely dinner with whichever cousins could make it that evening. My cousins in Montreal are a little older than I am (their kids are in university or working; there are at least 10 years between my father and his siblings on either side which makes for interesting generational dynamics).
The next day, we headed out for a walk along St. Laurent and Prince Arthur. It was such a lovely summer day, and while the boy went off with his Dad to check out a video game tent, my sister and I (and her husband) did more walking. Luckily for me, the girlie's uncle kept her entertained with the face-painting and balloons available for the kids...
Because there was shopping to be had. Check what I found in the 3 for $10 bin:
And if I get sick of the belt, I can always use it as a macrame plantholder (according to my brother-in-law).
So that steal left me with change to pick up this...
...and these funky tube tops. (I have nothing to hold them up with, but they're pretty anyway.)
My rugrats entertaining cousin J:
Cuddling versus fighting (always a good thing)
So this is my grandparents' gravesite. We've been coming here (almost) every year since I was born. Candles were lit; fresh flowers were planted, and if you look closely at the bottom right of the photo, you can see the lovely spread that was set out for the "meal". Chicken, dim sum yummies, butter rolls that you can only buy in Montreal (at least as far as I know).
Here's a better picture of the feast. Symbolic paper money and pyjamas were burned as an offering to the grandparents (see lower left corner). They have to be dressed in their finest, don't you know. I am sure they're proud of their granddaughter.
You'll notice everything is in "3's" - a good luck number in Chinese. And yes, there is booze there (although I did not imbibe; it's poured into the earth for my grandparents).
We had a lovely dinner with whichever cousins could make it that evening. My cousins in Montreal are a little older than I am (their kids are in university or working; there are at least 10 years between my father and his siblings on either side which makes for interesting generational dynamics).
The next day, we headed out for a walk along St. Laurent and Prince Arthur. It was such a lovely summer day, and while the boy went off with his Dad to check out a video game tent, my sister and I (and her husband) did more walking. Luckily for me, the girlie's uncle kept her entertained with the face-painting and balloons available for the kids...
Because there was shopping to be had. Check what I found in the 3 for $10 bin:
And if I get sick of the belt, I can always use it as a macrame plantholder (according to my brother-in-law).
So that steal left me with change to pick up this...
...and these funky tube tops. (I have nothing to hold them up with, but they're pretty anyway.)
We had a fairly uneventful train ride home that evening (well, except for when the girlie got so busy playing with her cousins that she forgot to tell us that she had to go pee until it was too late. Big brother got a nice shower on his Globo shoes).
And my old ovaries were screaming...
But, no, I'll be leaving the business of babymaking to my siblings from here on in!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
A Six-Pack sorta meme
I was tagged for a meme by my Island pal C, and I thought I would do it as I haven't done one in ages. And I don't think I've done this one before.
The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.Each player answers the questions about themselves.At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.
What was I doing 10 years ago?
1) enjoying married life
2) living in our first purchased home in the city
3) trying to get pregnant
4) finishing up my first term of my MBA and killing myself for a country project worth a measly 5% of my mark
5) working in an office that had an actual door
6) shopping (I'm bad)
What are 6 things on my to-do list for today (yesterday - i-net troubles):
1) go to the gym for a much needed Bodyjam class;
2) pick up teachers' gifts
3) figure out what to do for our anniversary this year
4) pick up the boy from a playdate at a friend's house. (edited: they delivered. Great friends!)
5) blog, plurk, twitter, buzz
6) laundry and then order dinner in (hopefully!)
Snacks I enjoy?
1) ice cream
2) potato chips
3) pistachios
4) pie
5) Godiva chocolates
6) Edemame
Things I would do if I were a billionaire?
1) retire the husband; from his job, I mean. I think I'd keep him.
2) help out the siblings and parents - cruises for the folks coming out of their ears!
3) set aside for the kids education
4) invest some
5) give to charity (health charities, and probably sponsor some more kids through Plan Canada
6) travel and buy vacation property(ies)
7) oh, and of course SHOP!!!
Places I have lived?
-Montreal
-Toronto area (snooze ...)
How did you name your blog?
I thought I would start a blog, one sunny day while at home breastfeeding the girl (she was about 5 months old) and enjoying being with her and the boy at home. It was meant to be more of an online journal, because I know as I age I WILL forget all the cute and memorable moments unless I capture them somewhere. And at first I told NOBODY about it. When I told my brother he laughed, and said it was meant to be shared. I'm just such a shy-pie. Now I'm a total comment whore.
So that's how "A Day in the Life" started. I added "one glass at a time" after I joined the esteemed Weekend Bloghoppers earlier in the year. Wanted to spice up my blog personality a bit. But I doubt if I've fooled anyone.
Who am I tagging and do I want to know more about ?
So many to tag, so little time ... if you're not meme type people, or you've already done this, please ignore the tag...
1/ Karen at Rocking Pony
2/ Mah-meeee at Raising A & C
3/ Laskigal From the Cheap Seats
4/ Caffeine Court
5/ Zoe's Dad Ed
6/ I'm Being Held Hostage - In the Gutter
And anyone else, if you haven't done this already, please feel free to do it. Or tuck it away for a rainy "what to blog about" day!
The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.Each player answers the questions about themselves.At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.
What was I doing 10 years ago?
1) enjoying married life
2) living in our first purchased home in the city
3) trying to get pregnant
4) finishing up my first term of my MBA and killing myself for a country project worth a measly 5% of my mark
5) working in an office that had an actual door
6) shopping (I'm bad)
What are 6 things on my to-do list for today (yesterday - i-net troubles):
1) go to the gym for a much needed Bodyjam class;
2) pick up teachers' gifts
3) figure out what to do for our anniversary this year
4) pick up the boy from a playdate at a friend's house. (edited: they delivered. Great friends!)
5) blog, plurk, twitter, buzz
6) laundry and then order dinner in (hopefully!)
Snacks I enjoy?
1) ice cream
2) potato chips
3) pistachios
4) pie
5) Godiva chocolates
6) Edemame
Things I would do if I were a billionaire?
1) retire the husband; from his job, I mean. I think I'd keep him.
2) help out the siblings and parents - cruises for the folks coming out of their ears!
3) set aside for the kids education
4) invest some
5) give to charity (health charities, and probably sponsor some more kids through Plan Canada
6) travel and buy vacation property(ies)
7) oh, and of course SHOP!!!
Places I have lived?
-Montreal
-Toronto area (snooze ...)
How did you name your blog?
I thought I would start a blog, one sunny day while at home breastfeeding the girl (she was about 5 months old) and enjoying being with her and the boy at home. It was meant to be more of an online journal, because I know as I age I WILL forget all the cute and memorable moments unless I capture them somewhere. And at first I told NOBODY about it. When I told my brother he laughed, and said it was meant to be shared. I'm just such a shy-pie. Now I'm a total comment whore.
So that's how "A Day in the Life" started. I added "one glass at a time" after I joined the esteemed Weekend Bloghoppers earlier in the year. Wanted to spice up my blog personality a bit. But I doubt if I've fooled anyone.
Who am I tagging and do I want to know more about ?
So many to tag, so little time ... if you're not meme type people, or you've already done this, please ignore the tag...
1/ Karen at Rocking Pony
2/ Mah-meeee at Raising A & C
3/ Laskigal From the Cheap Seats
4/ Caffeine Court
5/ Zoe's Dad Ed
6/ I'm Being Held Hostage - In the Gutter
And anyone else, if you haven't done this already, please feel free to do it. Or tuck it away for a rainy "what to blog about" day!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
One Enchanted Evening
Timed intercourse. About as romantic as it sounds. But that's the reality of baby-making when it becomes a job. When the unwritten rule between the couple is that there are no comments to be made about performance, no snickers from the peanut gallery about lack of enthusiasm. Just get to business. Sort of takes all the fun out of it. By this time though, we were well past that.
After no luck with ancestral potions nor the first step in pharmacotherapy, and a couple months of conflicting schedules, we decided that we would move to the next stage. This being Clomid therapy, bloodwork, monitoring, ultrasounds and when the time was right, a booster injection of HCG just to crank up the torpedoes and release those eggs with a vengeance. And THEN see if those stars would align.
Monitoring again; oh how I was hating those daily visits to the labs. And even being more depressed when I sometimes saw mothers in there with a child accompanying them. Why couldn't they be happy with that child, at least they had that. I wanted just one baby; I didn't get it (although several years later I would certainly "get" it. If anything I was even more determined/ psychotically driven to have baby #2. That'll be another chapter).
After no luck with ancestral potions nor the first step in pharmacotherapy, and a couple months of conflicting schedules, we decided that we would move to the next stage. This being Clomid therapy, bloodwork, monitoring, ultrasounds and when the time was right, a booster injection of HCG just to crank up the torpedoes and release those eggs with a vengeance. And THEN see if those stars would align.
Monitoring again; oh how I was hating those daily visits to the labs. And even being more depressed when I sometimes saw mothers in there with a child accompanying them. Why couldn't they be happy with that child, at least they had that. I wanted just one baby; I didn't get it (although several years later I would certainly "get" it. If anything I was even more determined/ psychotically driven to have baby #2. That'll be another chapter).
++++++++++
Work was going well; I had been promoted at the beginning of the year and had a few more responsibilities. But I was enjoying it; and had a couple of trips planned later in the year to head office in Paris. And amazingly, for the first time since we were married, our schedules were such that Ian would be able to accompany me. Finally. Paris in the fall, complete with husband, sounded like paradise.
School was a lot of hard work, but the learning and collaboration with my fellow students was invigorating and at least a productive distraction from the lack of success on the fertility front.
With things slowing down a bit in the summer, we decided to try a cycle with the extra HCG boost. Which of course entailed another trip back to the clinic after the usual bloodwork, ultrasounds; and then we had to do our business after 24 hours, the ETA of the grand eggs (yes plural, remember I was on Clomid).
School was a lot of hard work, but the learning and collaboration with my fellow students was invigorating and at least a productive distraction from the lack of success on the fertility front.
With things slowing down a bit in the summer, we decided to try a cycle with the extra HCG boost. Which of course entailed another trip back to the clinic after the usual bloodwork, ultrasounds; and then we had to do our business after 24 hours, the ETA of the grand eggs (yes plural, remember I was on Clomid).
This first attempt failed.
++++++++++
August 1999, the month of our 6th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, I had to attend an important conference in Montreal on our anniversary weekend. It also happened to land on a very important couple of days in our cycle. So it was a given that the spouse would accompany me. He was also travelling and would meet me the Friday evening.
I was lucky to have the excuse to "go home and pack" - in other words, stop by my doctor's to get the HCG shot just before my flight. Hopped on the plane, attended a dinner meeting with my boss and some other colleagues. It came up in conversation that it was my anniversary weekend.
My boss felt badly that I was working on my anniversary. Being a more-than decent fellow, he insisted that I take Ian out for a nice dinner on the company, and even suggested a restaurant.
So that evening, I decided that we would celebrate, really celebrate our anniversary. It was a gorgeous evening, we were in Montreal, a very romantic city, and we deserved to have some fun. We went to Bice, had a couple of cocktails and a lovely bottle of wine, (which I actually drank), let loose and just enjoyed ourselves. As a couple. For the first time in the last four years of TTC, we pretty much put all of that out of our minds and just focused on being a couple again. It was really magical.
++++++++++
Two weeks later, I went in for a blood test, not expecting much. Ian was away again at a sales meeting. I called the clinic for the results, and instead of a soft-spoken "So sorry, my dear" at the other end, I was told it was a "Weak positive".
What?!!! I almost flipped. I was too scared to be too excited. They asked me to come back for another test. And the second result: POSITIVELY POSITIVE.
I was pregnant. Almost too much to bear. When I told Ian over the phone that night, he just hollered, didn't even bother containing himself.
You see, the stars had indeed aligned. Both Ian and I were born in, and presumably conceived in Montreal. And it had been our anniversary.
So the trips to Paris in the fall? I had to cancel. Paris would still be there.
I had to meet someone very important in the spring, a meeting that we could just not afford to jeopardize:
So the trips to Paris in the fall? I had to cancel. Paris would still be there.
I had to meet someone very important in the spring, a meeting that we could just not afford to jeopardize:
(Here's the happy dance for the day )
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday Thirteen - I love my DVD
Since becoming a parent, the chances of me seeing a first-run movie in the theatre run from minimal to nil. The DVD has become my best friend.
The bonus is that our local library has a wonderful selection of all sorts of films, and are starting to get their DVD's almost as soon as the video rental store. So my choice has been to go the free route.
While I cross my fingers that I will actually be able to watch the Sex and the City movie in a dark theatre, here's a selection of the most recent 13 DVD's, along with mini-reviews, that I have watched in the comfort of my own family room:
1/ Dan in Real Life: watched this last night. I love Steve Carell, and Juliette Binoche - yes, a quirky combination, and it was an ensemble film including other familiar faces such as Dane Cook (?!), Dianne Wiest, John Mahoney... Usually when there are so many name actors, it works against the film, but it was such a pleasant surprise. A funny, touching love story about family, parenthood and finding love again in the wrong places.
2/ Atonement: Just *Wow*. What an epic; Keira Knightley was beautiful, James McAvoy's performance so heartbreakingly poignant. I love a great love story, and this was a very romantic film. Also about how one mistake can set off a chain of events with impact to last a lifetime.
3/ There Will Be Blood: I wish I could figure out how the audiocast works - I would demonstrate my best impression of Daniel Day Lewis in this film. I'm told by hubby that I'm pretty good - mind you, it helps to have had a couple of beers ahead of time. An amazing actor; crazy intensity - what a well-deserved Oscar.
4/ Juno: I really liked this movie. The performances were quite real, despite the fact that I doubt there are teenagers who talk like that in real life. Maybe I just haven't met any. Oscar nominations again, were so well -deserved, as were the wins. Yay for Canadian content.
5/ Away from Her: Another great film, although hard for me to watch. We've experienced Alzheimer's first hand in this family. Although it was indeed a love story, I watched it without hubby; I could not imagine seeing my spouse forget me and fall in love with someone else. Oy. Yay again for Canadian content - go Sarah!
6/ The Lives of Others: Won the 2006 Best Foreign Film Oscar. I loved this film, not knowing much about Stasi, and what went on in East Germany before the wall came down. Fascinating depiction of what a horrible situation it was, and how even the hardest people are human.
7/ Music and Lyrics: Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant? I usually like both of them individually, but here - no chemistry. Sorry. Sat through it and cried but not for the right reasons.
8/ Shopgirl: I love Claire Danes - she just shines in this film. Jason Schwartzmann - I have really liked him since Rushmore - really quirky actor. But Steve Martin creeped me out a bit in this role. Although I'm sure these things happen all the time, but the older man/ sugar daddy thing was a bit disturbing for me. Funny moments though, courtesy of Jason.
9/ The Queen: Helen Mirren IS Elizabeth in this film. Perfectly portrayed.
10/ Conversations with Other Women: Aaron Eckhart and Helena Bonham Carter were great in this movie. It's a talking film, and it's basically just the two of them. The filming in split screen is unique, and the tension between the two of them is palpable. Acting is superb.
11/ Mistress of Spices: Beautiful Aishwarya Rai, hunky Dylan McDermott. Lovely depiction of the mystical, with romance. But didn't quite do it for me. No chemistry either. Maybe I kept trying to imagine myself in her place ... as if!
12/ Bread and Tulips: Very cute Italian movie about a housewife who feels under appreciated by her husband and two sons, and takes off on a "vacation" of sorts. She meets up with a hilarious cast of characters, and finds herself again.
13/ Good Luck Chuck: Huh? Yeah, me too. Couldn't get past the first half of it. Dane Cook is really such a goofball and annoyingly so in this one. I think there must have been NOTHING on the shelves that day.
Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
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Monday, June 16, 2008
Ancient Chinese Secret?
One thing about infertility is that it is completely non-discriminating. It affects men and women, regardless of race, religion, geography... across the board. What is interesting is the cultural aspect. Infertility is still often seen as a taboo subject; and the lack of understanding and pure ignorance can sometimes be exacerbated by cultural pressures and expectations.
Grandchildren are a huge deal in most cultures, and Chinese is no exception. And I suppose the lack of any at the time, even if it wasn't by choice, was a cause of great concern for my parents.
Grandchildren are a huge deal in most cultures, and Chinese is no exception. And I suppose the lack of any at the time, even if it wasn't by choice, was a cause of great concern for my parents.
Frustrated with the lack of progress on the “Western” medicine front, I let my mother convince me to see a Chinese doctor, a specialist in Chinese herbs and medicine. A friend of a friend’s daughter was in her late 30s, not having any luck for years, but after she saw this doctor and got the special soup, presto, she got pregnant.
I was skeptical. I suppose it came from so many years of schooling in science, and then working in the drug industry. What ingredients were in all these concoctions? Hey, where were the double-blind, controlled clinical studies performed to show that that EXACT dose of dried frog testicle mixed with bat wing could actually increase our chances of having a baby? My mom only got me there because a) this doctor actually also had a medical degree from the US. So a doctor trained on both sides of the ocean. Bonus. And b) infertility can lead to desperate measures.
I brought both my parents with me, my Mom to translate in case needed, and my father, because he comes part and parcel with my mother, ever since their retirement. And Mom is the one with the special Chinese pot that she would use to cook up whatever soup needed to be prepared. What is it about Chinese Moms and their soups? Dark, murky, stenchy soups? I was just happy that it wouldn’t be stinking up my place.
Turns out that according to the doctor (at least at the time), Chinese medicines are actually more effective if the fertility issues lie with the male. He felt that I should continue on the standard protocol prescribed by my “Western” doctor, as from what I told him the tests showed that we were both “normal”. Nevertheless, he prescribed a mixture of various herbs in a paper bag, and gave written instructions to my mother as to how to boil it up. It was just a general health soup that both Ian and I could drink. Increase the general health, increase the chances of conceiving. While we were there, Mom also bought some stuff for her and my Dad. I swear I saw desiccated beetle legs sticking out from their purchase.
Leaving the herbal shop, we walked back into the Chinese mall toward the elevator. My mother was happy that I had finally gone to this doctor with her. She began chatting with me about her own struggles trying to have the elusive son for my Dad. There are almost 12 years between me and my younger brother, but my mom hadn’t to this point shared any of her experiences with me. Yet.
The elevator door opened and the three of us got in. A tiny elevator. And I was squished between the folks.
Mom: ” Your father wanted a son so badly, you would not believe …”
Dad: Silence
Mom: ” … the things that we did … the things that we tried and tried ...”
Dad cleared his throat. Shuffled his feet a bit, looking down.
Mom: “I did headstands, if you want a boy you ...blah blah positions …”
Me: “Uh, okay MOM STOP -- I get it!!”
Oh, the things we’ll do for a baby.
Someday...
*disclaimer: I know of people who have been successfully treated with Chinese medicine, acupuncture etc. This is not intended to be an endorsement nor a criticism of this option for infertility treatment. Just my own story, folks. And unfortunately, no, it wasn't a miracle soup for us.
(Images from martialartsgear.com and stock.xchng)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
From your Firsts...
Happy Father's Day from your first little daughter ...
Chubby chuckles from your first grandchild, your grandson ...
and even happier, giggly wishes from your first little granddaughter ...
We love you Dad / Grandpa !!!!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Fashion Friday - what works?
Now for something completely different.
Working from home certainly has its advantages. You can probably accomplish more in a couple of hours while in your pyjamas and bunny slippers, than if you were in your typical 8 - 5 office environment. If you're so inclined. But occasionally you have to meet the people in the real world.
I worked for a company where the dress code was business casual. I own quite a few suits, for the fall and winter but only primarily for meetings with "external" people. But the last time I was in the office I was, um, quite hugely pregnant.
I have a meeting coming up next week for a potential project. Problem - what to wear?! Did I hear you say "shopping opportunity"? Thought so. You'd be so proud of me... I bought a suit! A navy linen blend pant suit. I just fell in love with the jacket. Too bad there was no matching skirt ... I broke my own fashion rule by not purchasing a complete set of pants and skirt for versatility. But nowadays, anything goes, right?
My question for you: which cami/ top should I wear with it for my meeting? I want to keep it dressed up enough to look professional but not overly business-heavy, in case the company is quite casual. (And thanks to my blog pal Kami for her inspiration on "throwing it all out there for fashion advice" ...)
Here are the options:
a) mod top with geometric print
I worked for a company where the dress code was business casual. I own quite a few suits, for the fall and winter but only primarily for meetings with "external" people. But the last time I was in the office I was, um, quite hugely pregnant.
I have a meeting coming up next week for a potential project. Problem - what to wear?! Did I hear you say "shopping opportunity"? Thought so. You'd be so proud of me... I bought a suit! A navy linen blend pant suit. I just fell in love with the jacket. Too bad there was no matching skirt ... I broke my own fashion rule by not purchasing a complete set of pants and skirt for versatility. But nowadays, anything goes, right?
My question for you: which cami/ top should I wear with it for my meeting? I want to keep it dressed up enough to look professional but not overly business-heavy, in case the company is quite casual. (And thanks to my blog pal Kami for her inspiration on "throwing it all out there for fashion advice" ...)
Here are the options:
a) mod top with geometric print
a bit more close-up:
b) bright pink cami for a flash of personality
c) more subdued tank with green, taupe, white swirls
d) white tank with lacy detail and orange "hello" piping.
Excuse the horrible picture quality. And the fact that I don't do mirrors. The husband took my easy point-and-click digital on his trip to Paris and left me with the kids and his SLR which I have absolutely no clue how to work. As evidenced above.
Happy weekend, hope to see you bloghopping ?!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Not Quite Baby Steps
"Wipe that smile off your ****ing face, I say to you;
Wipe that smile off your face"
-Fallout Boy w/ Timbaland
So much for PG rated. That's just the type of year it was that followed. Further lows.
I am a nut about roller coasters, but you expect to CLIMB at some point. The year following our first visit with the specialist, in review:
1/ Step by Step ( and sorry, for NKOTB fans, I never was and never will be a fan, so a musical reference will NOT be included here. But the title seemed appropriate)
Everything on the BBT chart looked normal; the man’s specs were normal. No reason on the surface why it should be taking so long. Still, it wasn't happening. So onward to to Step 2; the HSG. Maybe the tubes are blocked. Oh what fun …
2/ Day of the HSG: When I made the appointment I ensured that my husband would be there with me. Because if there was going to be another man to witness the first pictures of my lovely innards, then my husband better be there too.
The day of the procedure, I was quite nervous. It was to be performed at the hospital, supposedly a painless procedure. I got into my hospital gown with my whoo-hoo a-showin’ with every move I made. Walked into the operating room with the hubby, and in came my doctor… with a pimply-faced med student. My doctor asked if it would be all right if his student “observed”. I was taken aback, but, hey, all in the name of science.
In went the probe; I won’t go into specifics, but honestly, although it wasn’t exactly painful, having a fair volume of dye injected where it doesn't normally go doesn’t classify as a picnic in my opinion. It was quite fascinating to see my textbook reproductive system in all its blue glory on the screen. But fortunately/ unfortunately, all was clear. Beautiful set of tubes I’ve got.
No signs of obstructions, fibroids, nothing you could put your finger on.
Ironically, in Ontario anyway, if both fallopian tubes are totally blocked it would have been a cause for celebration. This is the only condition whereby the government will pay for IVF. That's a whole other issue.
3/ So what the hey? Well, we had another couple of cyles monitored, and look, lo and behold, it appears that even though my periods were like clockwork, I may not have been actually ovulating. My BBT charts would be normal some months; but not others. Not too sure.
Monitoring itself, now that was not a piece of cake either. Have I mentioned in one of my random weird facts about me ... I HATE having blood drawn? Great. The first time I ever had it done in my life I was about 14, my mom had to bring a litre of milk for me to drink after. I almost passed out. Now I was facing a life of very frequent, daily blood draws at various points in my cycle every month.
I would drive to the downtown clinic at 7 AM on the way to work, have my blood drawn. Then as we got further into the treatment, I had to go to another lab for transvaginal ultrasounds to monitor the development of the follicles. Before heading to the lab for the blood draw. And then up north of the city for work. For several days in a row. The schedule was exhausting. But we were lucky at least, we lived in a major city centre. There were women coming in from all over.
4/ The next step... Clomid. Perhaps that would help trigger ovulation. But there was a risk of multiple births with this treatment. Something to think about. We sat on it for a couple of months; further delay, yes, but we had to be sure that we would be ready for multiples. We both have histories of twins/ triplets in the family.
Taking a deep breath, by the winter of 1998, we decided to try the drug therapy.
5/ Well, you know how it sort of helps to conceive a baby if both partners are in town at the same time? In 1998 hubby took a job in sales, which required him to work some evenings, sometimes weekends for certain events and out-of-town meetings. You guessed it, they usually happened at the most opportune time during the cycle.
I was doing a little travel on my own. This was the dilemma. We were reluctant to say anything to people at work (it's only smart, unfortunately). So it was impossible to really come up with excuses to miss very important meetings. Therefore I didn't.
We were still doing our darnedest, with work, school, schedules and then adding Clomid therapy on top of that to increase our chances. For five excruciating months. Results?
Less than zero.
We were hoping that we could party like it was 1999 , because that's exactly what it was. Into year four of infertility.
Party on.
Wipe that smile off your face"
-Fallout Boy w/ Timbaland
So much for PG rated. That's just the type of year it was that followed. Further lows.
I am a nut about roller coasters, but you expect to CLIMB at some point. The year following our first visit with the specialist, in review:
1/ Step by Step ( and sorry, for NKOTB fans, I never was and never will be a fan, so a musical reference will NOT be included here. But the title seemed appropriate)
Everything on the BBT chart looked normal; the man’s specs were normal. No reason on the surface why it should be taking so long. Still, it wasn't happening. So onward to to Step 2; the HSG. Maybe the tubes are blocked. Oh what fun …
2/ Day of the HSG: When I made the appointment I ensured that my husband would be there with me. Because if there was going to be another man to witness the first pictures of my lovely innards, then my husband better be there too.
The day of the procedure, I was quite nervous. It was to be performed at the hospital, supposedly a painless procedure. I got into my hospital gown with my whoo-hoo a-showin’ with every move I made. Walked into the operating room with the hubby, and in came my doctor… with a pimply-faced med student. My doctor asked if it would be all right if his student “observed”. I was taken aback, but, hey, all in the name of science.
In went the probe; I won’t go into specifics, but honestly, although it wasn’t exactly painful, having a fair volume of dye injected where it doesn't normally go doesn’t classify as a picnic in my opinion. It was quite fascinating to see my textbook reproductive system in all its blue glory on the screen. But fortunately/ unfortunately, all was clear. Beautiful set of tubes I’ve got.
No signs of obstructions, fibroids, nothing you could put your finger on.
Ironically, in Ontario anyway, if both fallopian tubes are totally blocked it would have been a cause for celebration. This is the only condition whereby the government will pay for IVF. That's a whole other issue.
3/ So what the hey? Well, we had another couple of cyles monitored, and look, lo and behold, it appears that even though my periods were like clockwork, I may not have been actually ovulating. My BBT charts would be normal some months; but not others. Not too sure.
Monitoring itself, now that was not a piece of cake either. Have I mentioned in one of my random weird facts about me ... I HATE having blood drawn? Great. The first time I ever had it done in my life I was about 14, my mom had to bring a litre of milk for me to drink after. I almost passed out. Now I was facing a life of very frequent, daily blood draws at various points in my cycle every month.
I would drive to the downtown clinic at 7 AM on the way to work, have my blood drawn. Then as we got further into the treatment, I had to go to another lab for transvaginal ultrasounds to monitor the development of the follicles. Before heading to the lab for the blood draw. And then up north of the city for work. For several days in a row. The schedule was exhausting. But we were lucky at least, we lived in a major city centre. There were women coming in from all over.
4/ The next step... Clomid. Perhaps that would help trigger ovulation. But there was a risk of multiple births with this treatment. Something to think about. We sat on it for a couple of months; further delay, yes, but we had to be sure that we would be ready for multiples. We both have histories of twins/ triplets in the family.
Taking a deep breath, by the winter of 1998, we decided to try the drug therapy.
5/ Well, you know how it sort of helps to conceive a baby if both partners are in town at the same time? In 1998 hubby took a job in sales, which required him to work some evenings, sometimes weekends for certain events and out-of-town meetings. You guessed it, they usually happened at the most opportune time during the cycle.
I was doing a little travel on my own. This was the dilemma. We were reluctant to say anything to people at work (it's only smart, unfortunately). So it was impossible to really come up with excuses to miss very important meetings. Therefore I didn't.
We were still doing our darnedest, with work, school, schedules and then adding Clomid therapy on top of that to increase our chances. For five excruciating months. Results?
Less than zero.
We were hoping that we could party like it was 1999 , because that's exactly what it was. Into year four of infertility.
Party on.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
Doctor, doctor
Statistics seen on a recent Good Morning Canada broadcast:
About this time 10 years ago...
Sitting in the fertility doctor’s office, it hit me.
We are infertile. For a lack of any better way to think about it ... it sucked big time.
I had been focused on the school thing for the previous few months; getting the first term of the program under my belt was a good thing. Not bad timing at all, providing me with a distraction from this bigger worry.
Ian came with me to the doc’s. The lone man among a room full of women. It was rather obvious why we were there. The doctor was an ob/gyn, a specialist in endometriosis but he also dabbled in fertility treatments. Endometriosis is often a cause of infertility.
The doctor was punctual. We were called into his office, and he greeted us with a wide grin; a quiet man, with an ear-to-ear smile. And I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. He was voted “Smiliest Fertility Doctor” in this publication not too many years ago. The fact that they even had this as a category boggles my mind (talk about being bang on; it was actually a pretty quirky list of the "best of the city" and I could laugh about it).
He took a look at my records while we sat in front of him. He asked us a few questions, noted our ages and lifestyle. Then he announced that he had full confidence that we would get pregnant. This was even before getting into any real “testing” of us. He just knew … and looking at the wall of fame behind us (babies, babies everywhere) … we were encouraged.
So here was the plan. We’d do some investigation of our status quo; check my cycles, BBT etc, bloodwork on both of us. Check the man’s Spencer stats (you really should trademark the name, Xbox).
Next steps after that, if still not preggars:
1/ Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). Can help clear any tubes while they’re looking for potential blockage, don’t you know.
2/ Then consider drug therapy (Clomid).
3/ If drugs alone don’t work, add cycle monitoring consisting of blood work and ultrasounds of the transvaginal variety (gulp). And more drugs.
4/ If no success there, then we move into the Assisted Reproduction Technology arena. IUI’s, IVF, ICSI, GIFT … enough acronyms for you? But this last step, don’t even think about as we probably wouldn’t have to go there (yet...)
First things first. Take this graph, go home, be diligent with your temperature, and fill it out the form. Do your thing. Come back after the cycle and then we’ll talk.
He told us we should be pregnant in a matter of months. It was nice to hear that from someone, especially a professional.
We left there feeling great. Oddly excited. A new start. Some renewed hope.
(here comes the happy music ...)
- 600 000 couples in Ontario are suffering from infertility
- 90 million couples worldwide are experiencing infertility
********************************
About this time 10 years ago...
Sitting in the fertility doctor’s office, it hit me.
We are infertile. For a lack of any better way to think about it ... it sucked big time.
I had been focused on the school thing for the previous few months; getting the first term of the program under my belt was a good thing. Not bad timing at all, providing me with a distraction from this bigger worry.
Ian came with me to the doc’s. The lone man among a room full of women. It was rather obvious why we were there. The doctor was an ob/gyn, a specialist in endometriosis but he also dabbled in fertility treatments. Endometriosis is often a cause of infertility.
The doctor was punctual. We were called into his office, and he greeted us with a wide grin; a quiet man, with an ear-to-ear smile. And I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. He was voted “Smiliest Fertility Doctor” in this publication not too many years ago. The fact that they even had this as a category boggles my mind (talk about being bang on; it was actually a pretty quirky list of the "best of the city" and I could laugh about it).
He took a look at my records while we sat in front of him. He asked us a few questions, noted our ages and lifestyle. Then he announced that he had full confidence that we would get pregnant. This was even before getting into any real “testing” of us. He just knew … and looking at the wall of fame behind us (babies, babies everywhere) … we were encouraged.
So here was the plan. We’d do some investigation of our status quo; check my cycles, BBT etc, bloodwork on both of us. Check the man’s Spencer stats (you really should trademark the name, Xbox).
Next steps after that, if still not preggars:
1/ Hysterosalpingogram (HSG). Can help clear any tubes while they’re looking for potential blockage, don’t you know.
2/ Then consider drug therapy (Clomid).
3/ If drugs alone don’t work, add cycle monitoring consisting of blood work and ultrasounds of the transvaginal variety (gulp). And more drugs.
4/ If no success there, then we move into the Assisted Reproduction Technology arena. IUI’s, IVF, ICSI, GIFT … enough acronyms for you? But this last step, don’t even think about as we probably wouldn’t have to go there (yet...)
First things first. Take this graph, go home, be diligent with your temperature, and fill it out the form. Do your thing. Come back after the cycle and then we’ll talk.
He told us we should be pregnant in a matter of months. It was nice to hear that from someone, especially a professional.
We left there feeling great. Oddly excited. A new start. Some renewed hope.
(here comes the happy music ...)
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Weekly Winners # 25
This week a couple of photos from my lovely SIL who hosted a BBQ at her place last weekend ...
... complete with pinata (carry a long stick, boy...)
Now back at home ... whistle in the wind...
Spring showers...
Spring babies in the garden? Me thinks so ... perfect place for a nest... here is Mama bunny.
For other Weekly Winners check out the home of Sarcastic Mom
Friday, June 06, 2008
Slacker mom
I was having a lovely Dim Sum lunch yesterday with the girlie and my parents. We hadn't had a visit with them in a little while, so it was nice to have a chat with them about the kids, how they were doing. My parents miss seeing them, now that they've gotten older and there are smaller babies to attend to they don't have as regular visits. I'm sure they're thinking I need to make the effort to get them together more; which will likely be easier in the summer.
We were talking about the end of school coming around, and my mom mentioned that the L-boy thinks he might get an A in math in his report card. I actually heard him telling her over the phone about how well he just did on his multiplication, division and fractions unit. He was very proud of this unit as he had the fewest mistakes of any previous booklet. Mom was pleased, but she did say that when I was in Grade 2 I knew all of my multiplication tables inside and out. Yes, I remember because I was there, and I used to chant them in a trance while walking through the house bored out of my gourd. If I missed something or let up with the chant, I would hear her yelling from the kitchen ..."and what was 6 x 8 again?? Are you sure? I can't hear you!!!!" And my Dad taught me how to do long division that year too.
My parents made it a point to tell me that they thought my boy was very bright; but because he is, he needs to be guided, to help him to be more careful about his work. Then they asked me what I wanted him to be when he grows up ... a doctor? A lawyer? Or maybe the girlie might be better as a lawyer, after all she's pretty stubborn and tenacious.
Hmmmm, expect much? At this point, I just want my kids to enjoy being children, play, enjoy and learn something in school, try a few sports and other activites, and not want for anything. The marks don't mean much to me at this point. As long as he's not struggling and still learning, (he's a solid B+ student ) all is good.
My mom asked me if I would consider putting the boy in tutoring to strengthen his skills. Maybe get him a workbook for Grade 3 now, so that he can work ahead. Now I know this is something that happens A LOT in my boy's school. And the pressure is already on; I know that there are some kids in his class who do the after school tutoring not to keep up, but to get ahead. I said certainly I'd get him a tutor, if he needed one. At this point, we (as in his father and myself) don't think he needs one. Hmpffffttt... me bad mommy. Lunch wasn't feeling too lovely at this point.
I struggle with this almost on a daily basis. Am I too lax with the kids? Are they not enrolled in enough lessons? Are they not exposed to enough of the world, are they not being nurtured enough to do their best, to excel? But then again, they are only 8 and 3. Heaven forbid that I admit to the folks that the girlie cannot yet spell her name, but she does know her ABCs and she can count. I haven't told my parents that she can't yet recognize all her numbers or write them very well. I figure we'll have all summer to nail that down before kindergarten starts. Have I really swung way over to the other side of the pendulum in my desire to let my kids have a childhood?
What do I want my kids to be when they grow up? I want them to be happy, well-adjusted, and comfortable with who they are and what they are doing. I don't want my own expectations to get in the way. I don't blame my parents ; this is what they know, they've done well by their philosophies, and not to use it as an excuse, but to a great extent this is cultural.
I am afraid, though, that my legacy is to eventually expect too much from my kids. Although I'm not a royal screw-up despite my struggles within myself as to whether I did as well as I could have(ie. to be a lawyer, doctor, dentist, you know .... a, ahem, real profession); I know I will wonder whether I will have done enough, given them and guided them enough, so that they really will know for themselves, who they want to be.
I'm still waiting for this for me.
Hi, my name is Karen, and I want to be Pocahontas when I grow up.
Mission accomplished?
We were talking about the end of school coming around, and my mom mentioned that the L-boy thinks he might get an A in math in his report card. I actually heard him telling her over the phone about how well he just did on his multiplication, division and fractions unit. He was very proud of this unit as he had the fewest mistakes of any previous booklet. Mom was pleased, but she did say that when I was in Grade 2 I knew all of my multiplication tables inside and out. Yes, I remember because I was there, and I used to chant them in a trance while walking through the house bored out of my gourd. If I missed something or let up with the chant, I would hear her yelling from the kitchen ..."and what was 6 x 8 again?? Are you sure? I can't hear you!!!!" And my Dad taught me how to do long division that year too.
My parents made it a point to tell me that they thought my boy was very bright; but because he is, he needs to be guided, to help him to be more careful about his work. Then they asked me what I wanted him to be when he grows up ... a doctor? A lawyer? Or maybe the girlie might be better as a lawyer, after all she's pretty stubborn and tenacious.
Hmmmm, expect much? At this point, I just want my kids to enjoy being children, play, enjoy and learn something in school, try a few sports and other activites, and not want for anything. The marks don't mean much to me at this point. As long as he's not struggling and still learning, (he's a solid B+ student ) all is good.
My mom asked me if I would consider putting the boy in tutoring to strengthen his skills. Maybe get him a workbook for Grade 3 now, so that he can work ahead. Now I know this is something that happens A LOT in my boy's school. And the pressure is already on; I know that there are some kids in his class who do the after school tutoring not to keep up, but to get ahead. I said certainly I'd get him a tutor, if he needed one. At this point, we (as in his father and myself) don't think he needs one. Hmpffffttt... me bad mommy. Lunch wasn't feeling too lovely at this point.
I struggle with this almost on a daily basis. Am I too lax with the kids? Are they not enrolled in enough lessons? Are they not exposed to enough of the world, are they not being nurtured enough to do their best, to excel? But then again, they are only 8 and 3. Heaven forbid that I admit to the folks that the girlie cannot yet spell her name, but she does know her ABCs and she can count. I haven't told my parents that she can't yet recognize all her numbers or write them very well. I figure we'll have all summer to nail that down before kindergarten starts. Have I really swung way over to the other side of the pendulum in my desire to let my kids have a childhood?
What do I want my kids to be when they grow up? I want them to be happy, well-adjusted, and comfortable with who they are and what they are doing. I don't want my own expectations to get in the way. I don't blame my parents ; this is what they know, they've done well by their philosophies, and not to use it as an excuse, but to a great extent this is cultural.
I am afraid, though, that my legacy is to eventually expect too much from my kids. Although I'm not a royal screw-up despite my struggles within myself as to whether I did as well as I could have(ie. to be a lawyer, doctor, dentist, you know .... a, ahem, real profession); I know I will wonder whether I will have done enough, given them and guided them enough, so that they really will know for themselves, who they want to be.
I'm still waiting for this for me.
Hi, my name is Karen, and I want to be Pocahontas when I grow up.
Mission accomplished?
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