Thursday, December 18, 2008

Fragile world

This past Sunday's experience with cholecystitis made a couple things abundantly clear to me.

First up, the fragility of the human body. You don't know how fragile you are until something goes awry. Luckily for me, this was the very first time I had ever been admitted into an Emergency Department. The only other times I'd ever been to hospital were all related to my pregnancies - all very positive pain experiences (if you can call any pain positive). The pain with this gall bladder attack was just unbelievable. And I felt so helpless having to reach out to someone to help me. Helpless is not a word I like to associate with myself, not at all.

Before deciding that I needed treatment, as I was desperately using the heating pad over my convulsing abdomen, while trying to use all of my brain power to somehow will away the pain, the only thing I could think of was, "I cannot go to the hospital. I don't want the kids there and I don't want to wake Mom and Dad up at this ungodly hour. I've got to just wait this out a while longer and lick it. L boy will go ballistic if he finds out his Mommy is in hospital."

So much easier said than done, however. In then end, of course, I succumbed. But the other thing that was crystal clear - it is not about me anymore. I know it ceased being about me the day that I had the boy. However, this innate concern for them first, amidst excruciating pain and massive hypotension ... all I could think of was "who's going to look after my babies?"

Amazing isn't it? And luckily for me, my parents were able to be here for them.

I know for a fact that every time Ian phoned home, L was the first to pick it up to get news. According to my mother, he was asking about me every 10 minutes, looking out the window every 5. He was so anxious, just as I knew he would be. The girlie, well, she's still too young to understand, so I didn't take it personally that she didn't ask for updates. When I finally got home after over 14 hours, I could see the boy's red-rimmed eyes when he literally flew up to give me a big hug. I asked if he'd been crying, but he wouldn't admit it. The girlie came up excitedly too, but it was as if I'd just returned from a weekend in NYC.

I'm sure my boy's vivid imagination was coming up with all sorts of scenarios and he was just so relieved to have me back. His safety net restored, his world back in order now that Mommy was home.

*****

My father was admitted into emergency yesterday for some pain that he's had for a couple of weeks now. At first I thought it might be similar to what I had (although it's highly unlikely that gall bladder disease is infectious, just a bad coincidence). However, he stayed overnight in hospital to have a more comprehensive scan this morning. And now he's waiting for news from a specialist ... in oncology. Ugh.

I am sitting worriedly by the phone now. Waiting apprehensively for the updates on my father, my Daddy. And hoping that the news will be good so that my world order will be back in place.

(Edited to add: at the time of this posting, he's been in hospital for two nights. I suppose it's better that he's having all the tests done now, without delay before the craziness of the holidays. I'm hoping that it'll all be good...)

19 comments:

Rima said...

Oh, I'm hoping for the best for him, too (and you, as well).

Ginaagain said...

I hope that he gets good news soon and you all can enjoy the holidays worry free (albeit fat free for you.. ouch).

Cherry said...

OH goodness! What a week you are having. I hope you recover quickly and that you get news about your father soon too!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

oh goodness. all the best from here.

April said...

My best wishes for your father.
I had to go in the hospital a few years ago for the very same thing you had (only I can't spell it)! I personally just loved my 4 days off with plenty of morphine.

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh Karen, I'm am sorry you went through that - I had something similar when Graham was a baby and it was just awful.

Hoping you get good news about your father...

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Oh dear - hope you find out Dad's OK. {hugs}

Kellan said...

When I was in the hospital earlier this year with phenomia, I worried constantly about my kids and family. I'm so glad you are okay and back at home and I will be praying for your dad!!!

Take care - Kellan

Miss said...

Wow... I'm so glad that you are feeling better. You know your dad's in my thoughts. *hug*

Kami said...

Oh no, the gall bladder thing is more than enough...not your dad too. I'll be praying everything is okay with him too.

did you have the stone or gall bladder removed yet?

LaskiGal said...

So much has been going on . . .

"But the other thing that was crystal clear - it is not about me anymore. I know it ceased being about me the day that I had the boy." YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

I hope you are OK and taking care of yourself.

As for your father, I'm thinking positive thoughts, saying lots of prayers and HOPING for only the very best.

Keep us posted. And, take care, you . . .

Huckdoll said...

Oh, Karen...you and your family have been through a lot. I wish the best for your Dad and your entire family. So good to hear you're okay. I can recall my appendicitis clearly and can relate a bit to the non-positive pain. (((HUGS)))

curiositykiller said...

I'm starting to feel the age of my body lately too. I'm glad you're ok. Hope your dad gets out soon to spend the holidays worry free with his children and grandchildren. xx

Nan Patience said...

Oh my gosh. I hope everything will be okay. You're absolutely right about it not being our lives anymore. The couple of scares I've had were all the more terrifying thinking about my kids.

Momisodes said...

Karen, I'm so sorry. This has been quite a week for you. I hope you're feeling better. I can just imagine the worry on your mind for your children. It's amazing how you no longer ever come first once you have children, even in the face of so much pain.

I'm keeping positive thoughts for your father.

bec said...

Karen--I'm glad that you're doing better. What an ordeal you've been through! I've been thinking about your father all day. Please update me whenever you can. I hope all the results come back with good news. I know that you've got lots on your plate right now. If there's anything I can do, let me know.

Kat said...

Your description of your boy welcoming you home put tears in my eyes. I'm glad you're okay. And I hope your dad is too.

Beck said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how scary that must be.
Gallbladders are a PAIN IN THE BUTT - well, stomach. I hope you're feeling better - I'm keeping your family in my prayers..

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Oh, how scary for both of you! I'm thinking of you and your father both.

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