Welcome to another edition of Friday Fragments - please visit my friend, the lovely lady Mrs.4444.
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I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet. It sucketh.
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I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet. It sucketh.
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There's a part of me that can't really get into the whole Christmas thing this year. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. First we planned the girlie's "school" birthday party (on the bus, it was on a bus!). And then we had the family birthday dinner celebration for her last weekend. Ho hum. Just going through the motions and feeling badly about it.
The garland is up; the tree is up; we've been to a wonderful holiday feast at a friend's place - kids and all; the school holiday concert where the kids in their dollar store elf hats, gleaming glasses, teeth and braces, chimed in as close to unison as any elementary kid could be expected to, cheering about Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and whatever other holiday celebration is happening this time of year (I'll admit it, I was just looking for my kid, who rocked it of course).
But other than that, meh. I'm not even up to sending Christmas cards this year.
I've been trying not to think about it too much. Because thinking about it just overwhelms me. Thinking about it makes me quiver with grief inside. Most of the time I'm pretty good at quelling it. But every so often, while I'm brushing my teeth, doing the dishes, when I don't have the thousands of thoughts in my head about what I should be picking up for dinner, what I have to remember for the next lesson, when the next cheque needs to be written for the next school event ... when I let my brain breathe for a second... it hits me in a tidal wave. And then the tears.
They say the first year is the toughest, with all the family celebrations and the void that is so apparent. Just get through the first year and things should get easier.
But it's so hard, especially since it all snowballed around this time last year. The diagnosis. The running around from hospital to hospital. The frustration of not knowing the best thing to do. The frustration of the holidays getting in the way of access to procedures, to doctors, to answers ...sure we spent a lot, a TON of time with my siblings and family, but I wouldn't wish that sort of family time on anyone under those circumstances.
The garland is up; the tree is up; we've been to a wonderful holiday feast at a friend's place - kids and all; the school holiday concert where the kids in their dollar store elf hats, gleaming glasses, teeth and braces, chimed in as close to unison as any elementary kid could be expected to, cheering about Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and whatever other holiday celebration is happening this time of year (I'll admit it, I was just looking for my kid, who rocked it of course).
But other than that, meh. I'm not even up to sending Christmas cards this year.
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I've been trying not to think about it too much. Because thinking about it just overwhelms me. Thinking about it makes me quiver with grief inside. Most of the time I'm pretty good at quelling it. But every so often, while I'm brushing my teeth, doing the dishes, when I don't have the thousands of thoughts in my head about what I should be picking up for dinner, what I have to remember for the next lesson, when the next cheque needs to be written for the next school event ... when I let my brain breathe for a second... it hits me in a tidal wave. And then the tears.
They say the first year is the toughest, with all the family celebrations and the void that is so apparent. Just get through the first year and things should get easier.
But it's so hard, especially since it all snowballed around this time last year. The diagnosis. The running around from hospital to hospital. The frustration of not knowing the best thing to do. The frustration of the holidays getting in the way of access to procedures, to doctors, to answers ...sure we spent a lot, a TON of time with my siblings and family, but I wouldn't wish that sort of family time on anyone under those circumstances.
This is getting very depressing. So I'll post a picture of my hot boots.
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Thank goodness I have my kids. They are bringing the spirit of the holidays into our household whether I want it here or not. I especially love the singing, the excitement in the little one's eyes as she pulls out each decoration to put on the garland or tree, humming a holiday tune:
"Elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, la-la-la...Elyse-Mommy-Da, mommy, guess what? It means Merry Christmas -- in FRENCH!"
God, I love my kids.
With a week to go, Elyse-mommy-da to you all ...
"Elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, la-la-la...Elyse-Mommy-Da, mommy, guess what? It means Merry Christmas -- in FRENCH!"
God, I love my kids.
With a week to go, Elyse-mommy-da to you all ...
17 comments:
Love the boots and I sure hope you are feeling Christmas-y soon. XO!
LOVE "Elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, la-la-la...Elyse-Mommy-Da, mommy, guess what? It means Merry Christmas -- in FRENCH!"
Stopping by from Barbs FF to say Hi-hope you have a lovely weekend and those boots are ROCKIN!
When the Christmas spirit fails you just put on those boots that were made for shoppin'
"It sucketh." lol I love it!! Christmas kinda sucks for me too this year. But elyse-mommy-da back to you :)
Hugs Karen. I've been wondering how you were holding up this season. Your kids are awesome, and I know that your dad would want nothing but a happy happy holiday for all of you.
Karen, the fact that you are going through the motions is fantastic, this must be so hard on you. Hugs to you!
And those boots are awesome. Someday we'll go shopping together, right?
Elyse-mommy-da right back at you. May you find the joy along with the sorrow.
Karen, the fact that you are going through the motions is fantastic, this must be so hard on you. Hugs to you!
And those boots are awesome. Someday we'll go shopping together, right?
Elyse-mommy-da right back at you. May you find the joy along with the sorrow.
just do what I do: slap on that fake-ass smile, get up and go through the motions, and inwardly hold your breath until it is all over-because it WILL be over. And I don't even have the major suckitude of grief to deal with.
Sending you hugs. Paltry, I know.
You had me with tears in my eyes until you showed your definately hot boots. Then I laughed out loud.
Sending you much holiday happiness, which apparently I can use too as I was close to tears last night!
I know how you feel. If it weren't for my kids, we probably wouldn't have even put up a tree.
I do hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.
Love the 'sucketh'. For some reason Christmas is coming way too fast this year. I'm SO not ready. ((HUGZ)) to you for this being a difficult time of year.
Those boots are HAWT!!
I absolutely LOVE this: "Elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, elyse-mommy-da, la-la-la...Elyse-Mommy-Da, mommy, guess what? It means Merry Christmas -- in FRENCH!" Perfect! :)
Happy FF a day late! :)
It's hard losing someone any time of the year, but I think around the holidays makes it doubly hard.
I just try to breathe and I figure if I need to cry then I need to cry and that's okay too.
THe first year really is the worst. I hope you find some joy in the holidays. It sounds like the kids will be a big help with that! have a hug.
You'll get through it. It'll be different, but I am sure it will be good.
Hugs and blessings to you all.
Happy Holidays to you and yours Karen Meg!
My heart hurts for you, and I'm glad you have the kids to help soften the sharpest edges...
P.S. I'm linking to you tomorrow.
Sorry about your dad and yes, the first year without him is probably the toughest, but every year you'll miss him, I'm sure of that!
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