OMG, was that a Pick Up Line?

"How many kids do you have? You don't look like you've had even one, you're so young and slim."

"Thanks, I guess I'm just lucky."

"Well you've got great genes, that’s it, that’s for sure."

Thirteen reasons and/or events that should have warned me that was coming…

1/ I've got a big "L" on my forehead. Seems that for each of the handful of cute guys I managed to go out with in my dating years (including the one I finally snagged), I attracted at least two other strange ones. As in stalker-like weirdos.

2/ I spent a little more time on my makeup before going out the door that morning. Why? Only because my husband noticed when I did on the weekend and asked what was different. Made me realize that I need to take the time to make him notice more often.

3/ Because I was having a very bad hair day, I had put on a cute cap which covered most of my hair and my face. I guess I look better with most of my face hidden.

4/ I was wearing my Vans (which my brother thinks is hilarious) so from AFAR I could have passed for younger.

5/ I was in a good mood while waiting in line (to return a top that G refused to wear) at Winners. A good mood while returning something? Unheard of.

6/ The return counter had five customer service people behind it, dealing with two customers. The wait was inexplicably long. And there were only two people waiting – yeah, me and Mr. Fellow.

7/ I was also in a chatty mood. Was it a solar eclipse or what? I’m never chatty when I’m in the return line. Especially not when the wait is excruciatingly long in an empty store.

8/ I unknowingly took the bait. While Mr. Fellow was joking with me about how long it was taking, he began extolling the merits of the return policy. Seeing as he knew so much about the store, I asked him what he thought of the men’s merchandise because while I’m always shopping for me and my daughter there, I was thinking of shopping for my HUSBAND this time.

9/ After I got my refund, I walked past and said good bye on my way to men’s shirts. Just to be polite.

10/ About two minutes later, Mr. Fellow happened to come by as well and told me there were some good selections in the clearance section. Uh-oh.

11/ I popped over to the boys’ section quickly to check out T’s for the L-boy; then with one in hand headed back over to the men’s clearance area thinking the coast was clear. N-uh-uh. Mr. Fellow showed up again and noticed I had the boy’s shirt with me.

12/ The conversation about my good genes took place. Awkward, how do you respond to something like that to a male stranger? It’s one thing to hear that from another mom, but a strange guy? Radar up.

13/ As I whipped into the girls’ section for a quick look, and hurriedly rushed to the cash (had to pick up girlie) he made another passing comment about my success as a shopper.

Perhaps it was just pleasant conversation. Who knows, as I’m so bad at reading the signs. Or maybe I’m just getting overly suspicious in my old age. And I’m wearing the whole “Desperate Housewife” persona a bit too well these days.

When I told Ian about my day and what had happened, he said, “Well that’s OK.”, in a happy “Neat-o, good for you” tone. Who is he, my cheering section? Probably more likely that he wasn’t listening too carefully to my babbling.

Then he asked me what the guy looked like. And I said he wasn’t ugly or anything, just average, a guy in his 40's. Had all his hair, seemed pleasant enough, just mildly stalker-ish.

Unfortunately he didn't look like this... Or this ...
Or this ...


With my luck, he was probably gay.

{Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all. But if he were, that would mean I really have to take my antennae in to be fine-tuned!!}

[images from people.com]