Monday, February 23, 2009

Melancholy mid-life crisis

In the last 60 days or so...

-I've had 2 gall bladder attacks;
-I've been part of a family going at warp speed in a medical situation;
-I sprained my knee, which now appears to be mildly osteoarthritic;... good bye beloved bodyjam?? $hi^, fack and all that stuff????!!!
-I lost my father.

I'm starting to think that my 40's really, really suck.

This is also high travel season for my husband's work. He's cut back, but in reality, if he were to attend every work event that he could, he'd be gone 110% of the time. Last week was tough. Ian took the red-eye home so he could be back Saturday morning. Still, it was a lonely week, after having spent a lonely week only about five days before.

Yesterday marked the one month anniversary of my Dad's passing. I thought about him as I watched the Oscars last night. He loved that stuff. I come by my obsession with all things entertainment quite honestly. I'm hoping that he's partying with Paul Newman and making friends with Heath. You never know.

I know MY lonely is nothing compared to that of my mother's. It's unbearable for me to even think about...I want to help unload her grief, her sadness. I just don't know how.

I guess they say that times of crisis make you re-evaluate your life. This big hole has left me looking for answers to questions that I don't even know to ask. Are the things we depend on, our foundations, even able to withstand life's uncertainties? I'd like to think so.


donna said...

Well, no I guess this hasn't been a great couple of months has it? But it'll look up!

You can just call me Pollyanna

gmcountrymama said...

Sorry having such a rough time. You have been through a lot these past months.
Are you planning on having your GB out? You'll feel better after.
I would miss my hus terrible if he had to travel so much. Maybe things will slow down soon?

Cherry said...

Not BodyJam too!
I know that would be such a good way for you to get away for even just an hour. UGH!


Kami said...

it's been a bad 60 days but it will get better, I promise. Your knee, oh no! Maybe once it heals the osteo whatever will suck it up and let you jam....

Thinking of you girl, hang in there!

Tara R. said...

It has been a trying few months. It will get better.

Momisodes said...

I've heard that as well.

You are such a kind, wise, and strong woman. It has been an incredibly rough year for you. And now having hubby away has to be tough. Wish I were closer to give you hugs, or just lend a shoulder to lean on.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

They say time heals. Well, except for an aging body--I think fish oil helps that.

Thinking of you.

Don Mills Diva said...

Hope the sun starts shining for both of us soon...


J at said...

I'm so sorry. Last year was like this for me and my family. I have no real decent advice, save perhaps "this too shall pass". Losing your dad will never get better. It just won't. But it will get easier, slowly. The gallbladder, that sounds like surgery will take care of it, right? The knee is a bigger issue. I'm so sorry. We all want to be healthy and have our families there to support us and be there, and when things change in that arena, it's a painful and difficult transition. Lean on your friends and family as much as you can. They are there for you. And as much as online bloggy friends can be, we're here for you as well.


Badness Jones said...

Plus it's February, which just adds to the general suckiness of it all. I

t's nice to see you out and about on the internet again, and I hope that the sun shines bright enough to penetrate a little deeper through the sadness soon. And I'm sure that your Dad is getting a party started up there, just remember to smile up at him once in awhile, even when it's hard, or he won't be able to enjoy himself for worrying about his sweet girl. Hugs.

BusyDad said...

Oh... sorry to hear about all that stuff. I know how much you liked to do that body jam stuff. And I know what you mean by the re-evaluating stuff. After my dad passed in 03, I was all sorts of confused with my own life and what accomplishments I had not achieved and what dreams I did not fulfill. I quit my job to figure things out. I never did quite figure them out but the thinking time was good. At least mentally it assured me I left no stone unturned. Your dad is probably in "joker face" right now chillin with Heath. He's good.

Knatolee said...

I send you a big fat hug. I have not been impressed with the 40s thus far either... I hope you feel better soon!!

Your Dad, well, that will always hurt but I found that after the first year, it was a little easier. I know it's so hard.

April said...

I was just thinking about you and wondering how you're doing.
(I've been on and off these days of the blogosphere.)
I hope you're having a better day today. Sometimes it helps just to let it out a little.
I had my gall bladder removed a few years ago. I highly recommend it - particularly if you get to sleep on Morphine for 4 days like I did. Did wonders for my stress level!

Christina said...

I'm so sorry you're having a serious rough patch. But from experience, after being a regular at diagnostic imaging at the hospital and countless( and useless) prescription meds and the loss of my grandmother, I not only survived, but I am back to myself, and have more resolve. It just takes time.

To get you through this time, though, you need to pamper yourself and make yourself feel good, so that you can be there for your family, especially your mom.

Try heading to a spa, or if you can't, why not have a spa day at home? I read this fab article on how to pamper yourself at home:

I really think you'll feel better, if only for a short period of time. But any brake, not matter how small, does miracles.

Take care,

Christy said...

I haven't been around much, and I am sorry to hear that things aren't going the best at this time. Things will bet better, somehow they always do.

My advice is have the gall bladder out...had mine removed not long after my first, and it was the best thing ever!

My deepest sympathies over your Dad too.


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