Five years ago this was Day 29 of the cycle before THE CYCLE that changed my whole world.
I thought about this the other day as I sent my husband to the pharmacy to pick me up some drugs, the "we're too old to have another baby but not too old for, you know" medication. Ironically, almost 5 years ago to the day, I was at the same pharmacy, picking up other drugs, the ones handed to me by the same pharmacist who had given me other cocktails five previous times. And he handed me the white bag housing thousands of dollars worth of hope ...with a smile and a cheery "Good Luck".
In actual fact, I had already been on oral contraceptives that whole cycle because, as twisted as this seems, you are NOT to get pregnant while taking one of the drugs in my IVF protocol. So taking OC's in preparation for making a baby. Mind boggles.
The whole infertility train is just full of twists, turns, disappointments, WTF moments. You just go with the flow.
It's hard to believe it was five years ago. But it was like yesterday. Taking deep breaths, drawing the precious liquid into the syringe, plunging that not so thin-gauge needle into my thighs (upper limbs were already getting their share of the poking... all other limbs were now fair game). Daily.
I know we were one of the very lucky ones. We hit the jackpot not once but twice, and now we do indeed have that "millionaire's family" worth much more than millions.
But I do believe, despite our successes, once 'an infertile', always an infertile. Unless you've been there, you just cannot know.
When I catch up on a couple of my blog friends' journeys, I get all wrapped up, all tied up in angst, as I feel it. I've owned it. And I try to send them what I hope are encouraging comments, insightful thoughts and maybe occasionally make them laugh through their tears (okay, I'll stop there, I'm not THAT funny). So that they know they are not alone in this sometimes seemingly very lonely journey.
Because it is somewhere only we know...