Tuesday, April 15, 2008

April Shower

I attended a bridal shower on the weekend. It was wonderful - an all afternoon feast of Armenian and Italian food, music, culture and fun. I think I will have to fast the day before the wedding to make sure I have room to enjoy what promises to be a fabulous reception.

The bride used to work for me. She inherited me when I came back from my first maternity leave. We'd only met a couple of times before, and apparently I made her nervous for weeks before my arrival. Fancy that! I was her first manager in her first job out of university. And here we are, eight years later and she’s getting married.

Along with being her boss, we got on fabulously as friends. We got quite close both professionally and personally. I am so proud of how well she’s done in her career, but then I saw early on in her, the quiet, shy confidence that I knew would blossom at some point. Reminded me of someone I knew way back when (who would grow up to be dragon-lady boss, apparently ;). We discussed our relationships. I shared with her some of my own trials and tribulations. Some guys are just a lot harder to get to the altar for whatever reason. But they are worth the wait. My guy happened to be one of them (I’m airing this for the whole www; and he’s not even AWAY this time!). For whatever reason, we were a bit of an inspiration to her that things could work out.

At the shower, I was sitting next to a pretty young woman. She lamented a bit that she wasn't currently seeing anyone. I did the annoying older woman thing, " Hey, you should have the bride set you up (what, am I a freakin' grandma now?!)". To which she replied, "Are you kidding, I've been trying, and we've been having NO luck!".

I found out through conversation that she's doing well in her career, has a car, her own condo, and she's very well-travelled. I told her that she should be all set then, any guy would love her. Funnily enough, she said that her situation hinders her rather than helps... a lot of guys are intimidated, and don't like that she's so headstrong and independent. Some are looking for another mother (ick). The singles' scene is so difficult once you're out of school. She's still looking for her Prince Charming. I told her not to seek a Prince, not to look too hard because once she stops trying so earnestly, someone will come along. I really believe that.

I don't think I was ready for marriage until I came to the realization that Ian wasn't my Prince Charming. He didn't want to be. Rescue me, from what? Too much pressure. Life isn't a fairy tale. Sure, he was hawt and everything, but a long-term relationship takes more than hotness. Heat fades (heated floors for the kitchen do help), but if you're lucky, that initial spark can evolve into a real, long-lasting partnership.

At the end of the shower, the groom came by and delivered to his bride a lovely bouquet of roses. Handed it to her with a kiss. That was such a sweet gesture; they looked so happy, so ready to embark on this journey called marriage. I had to smile.

We're coming up to our 15th wedding anniversary this summer. I don't get roses anymore. I don't need them. Don't get me wrong, I still love romantic gestures. But my guy re-arranges his busy business trip itinerary this morning, in order that he can fly home in time to stay with the kids. Just so that I can attend my Tuesday night gym class. Because he knows how much I love it and how important it is to me.

Call me a sap, but I think this is true love. Maybe I'll have to grind some flaxseed for his cereal now.

Ain't senior love sweet?


Christy said...

My Hubby was never the flowers type, They wilt and die, but it is the love keeps on going. He always told me in the days before our wedding that it wasn't the wedding day that mattered, but the days after. So true.

Family Adventure said...

All that...but I still like to tease Mike that he never buys me flowers anymore. And then - presto - a bouquet of tulips appear on the kitchen table.

But yes, you are right - life isn't a fairy tale, and couplehood is a work in progress. The trick is to enjoy the process - like the two of you seem to do :)


Karen MEG said...

@Christy-obviously you married a very smart man.
@Heidi-That sounds very Mike to me - we're both pretty lucky, I'd say ;)

Ginaagain said...

A man who really knows what you need and is willing to make that a priority is so much better than a guy who knows the number of the local florist.

Kami said...

I with you, it's the practical stuff that is so much more romantic. I love it when my hubby comes home early from work or takes a day off. We loves having him around here!

Great post and I so can't see you as a dragon lady boss! NUH UH!

*Shakes head violently*

Frances said...

what a lovely post. I'm right there with you on dishing out the "stop looking and he shall find you" advice. My husband came along when for the first time in my life I really had no interest in a relationship.

and coming home early so that you can have alone time. That's bigger and better than flowers anyday!

Rima said...

"Senior love!" You're so funny.

I had a friend who was getting pretty down about being single in her mid-thirties, and she was in a similar situation - we very well educated, well traveled, had an awesome job, made good money, and is gorgeous, to boot. I really think that guys were intimidated by that. Luckily, she met an equally smart, strong, and self-assured man who appreciated all those things about her and is now her husband.

And you're right about Prince Charming.

Curiosity Killer said...

Wow. 15 years.

I don't even think I KNOW anyone that long.

Now THAT'S romantic.

BeachMama said...

Wow, you say it so well. I truly believe that when you are happy hanging out with yourself and think you are a good person the right guy will fall into place. It happened for me and a few others I know. When you get all worked up about it, you wouldn't know the right guy if he was staring you in the face :).

And flowers aren't necessary, but they sure are a nice gesture.

LaskiGal said...

First of all . . . Armenian food! Yum! Makes me miss my grandma!

How awesome that you two got along so well--I so know what you mean, I fall into a grandma/matchmaker role whenever I meet someone young and single. I guess I just want everyone to be in pairs (my OCD acting up I s'pose).

As for the roses . . . I'm like you. Don't need 'em. After nearly 12 years of marriage, hanging a picture, sorting the socks, playing with Baby J, cooking me breakfast . . . the little things are plenty.

So, so true . . . sometimes REALITY is much better than the fairy tale . . .

Don Mills Diva said...

I feel bad for that young woman because I know a lot of them in the same boat. It IS really hard to meet someone and it's scary because these days men stay kids for soooo long like they have all the time in the world while women hear their biologoical clock ticking. Sad but true.

LunaNik said...

How nice that you walked away from a bridal shower with lovely thoughts about your relationship. I seem to always walk away from a bridal shower annoyed. Not at anyone in particular, just annoyed in general. Oooo-ing and aaahhh-ing over coffee pots and crock pots with a bunch of women eating cake isn't exactly my idea of a lovely afternoon.


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