A part of me was willing you to wake up, just so I could say "hi" and have you look at me, to look at me and really see me. For you to know that I was there, and had been there for a while -- had been there whenever I could during a period that had us all seemingly rushing to nowhere, fast. I had so much to say to you. But everything had been going at such a frenetic pace, it must have been almost like a circus for you in the day. So much going on, about you and around you.
It was night time, it was quiet, and you were resting. So I just sat at the foot of your bed.
The two of us in silence, exactly a year ago this moment.
I so wish I could have another.
Friday is the one year anniversary of my Dad's passing. A full year has passed.
Mom has been dealing so well with the change in her life. Dad would be pleased to see that she's taken a liking to the stock channel even in his absence. His kids are all missing him, but doing okay. The son will be welcoming another baby into the family come spring; more successes and accolades have come to his younger daughter and her business, and his eldest daughter is working full time again. In management, no less - like father like daughter. I think he'd like that too. His grandbabies are no longer babies with the leader of the pack hitting the ripe old age of ten this year. Dad would have a whole lot to be proud of.
My family is getting together this weekend - I don't know if you'd call it a celebration, it just felt right to do something. What are you supposed to do at the one year mark anyway? What's right, what will feel right? I still don't even know "how" to grieve yet.
All I know is this. It ain't beautifully poetic and after all those years of studying the dictionary, you'd think I could come up with something a bit better... but it's the truth:
I still really, really miss you, Dad.