And then the "other" first day of school, will be September 3. The monumental one. The first day of kindergarten for the little G.
When we decided that it made so much sense for me to stay home with the kids almost four years ago, I was thrilled. To be able to spend such quality time and actually be present for the first big steps in my daughter's life and see firsthand the continuing progress of my little man - what a gift.
But four years goes by so quickly. I hadn't thought much about this upcoming milestone. Perhaps it's because she's always been so independent, wishing that she could like her big brother and hang out with the other big kids. Constantly telling me that she's a big girl now and not my baby. She's never been too much of a baby to me.
Over lunch one day this past week, my boy, the first baby, my sensitive one, asked me:
"Hey Mom, when G's in school, won't you really, really miss her?"
It took me aback a bit. And I replied:
"Well, she's been in preschool a couple of mornings a week, so it won't be such a big change."
"Mom, I know you're used to me being gone for a full 6 hours, but you've been with just G everyday. For three whole years!! I guess it will be different when she's in full-day school."
Little G piped in : "Yeah, 'cuz I'm a big girl and I'll be in kindergarten with my best friend."
The conversation then turned to something completely different. I think it was the weather.
As a mother, I tend to operate more on the "drill sergeant" end of the spectrum. I don't really get too sentimental, I lack patience, and even though I do love to cuddle with my kids and give them spontaneous hugs and kisses, sometimes I feel that I can even be downright cold. At least that's my self-perception.
But after the kids left the table and I was by myself in the kitchen, washing the dishes, seeing the water swirl down the drain ... I started to cry. Just a little.
My baby, my littlest one, will be starting school. She is so excited. She will sail through her first day. She will not look back. She may even forget to say goodbye to me. I know this with such certainty.
There's a part of me that wishes we could just have a little more summer, a little more sun, a little more play.
"On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun..."*
The rush to grow up, it's just starting. I know it isn't nearly as huge as this.
But honestly, right now, this is the most I can handle. And barely at that.
(*Who knew I was such a Weezer fan. I can't get this tune out of my head these past few days...)