Friday Fragments - Reality Bytes

"This milk tastes like the farm!"

"Yeah, this tastes funny, Dad."

Every night before bed, the kids have a glass of milk. And the parents, walking around robotically on auto-pilot, go through the motions pouring, preparing and serving their kidlets, around the same time every evening.

So on this night, the Dad went back to check the milk bag, and sure enough, it smelled like it had come from another part of a cow. He poured the kids another cup.

"Actually, when I drank my tea it smelled sort of funny. But I thought it was just the mug, and there were no curdles, so I just drank it! "(I was just happy that someone else had made it for me, if we're to be perfectly honest).

"Well, I DID think it tasted sort of like A-S-S," he said as he sat down.

"What's A-S-S?" asked girlie.

"Um, that's another word for farm."

*****

Speaking of ass, can you believe what I bought at our local Costco? Rock & Republic jeans - not kidding!

I was going on and on about the great deal while the boys were sitting at the kitchen island. And the man said," I like those jeans that you have on now".

And the boy said, "Dad, are you checking out Mom's butt?" with a mischevious giggle.

The man had to admit it- "You got me" and we all burst out laughing.

I guess I've still got it, according to the one who counts anyway. And that's a good thing.

*****

So yes, I'm still standing after a very stressful week. There's nothing quite like waking up at 5 AM every morning, before the sun rises. A colleague told me that might be a sign of menopause. How lovely - hot flashes during one of the most important meetings of my career.

I think I'm good now, though. Back to a regular sleep schedule and looking forward to a lovely long weekend. Summer can't come soon enough.

*****

My guilty pleasure continues to be reality TV: hooked on American Idol and Celebrity Apprentice. I know to some that this season's American Idol may be the season of suck, but I am a really big fan of Lee DeWyze. Something about that cute crooked smile and raspy voice - but I remain particularly touched by his supportive parents. I imagine how I would be just over the moon proud of my kids if they were in that situation. I think I'm getting old, and not so much cougar old - how cool is he to perform classics from Simon & Garfunkel and Lynyrd Skynyrd?



Do you think I've sunk to a new low having my son PVR Oprah's interview of Bret Michaels? I've become a huge fan of his since his appearance on Trump's show. I've never been a heavy metal, Poison chick - but I guess you can never say never :). Go Bret Go.

****

Happy Victoria Day to my Canadian friends - happy planting and fireworks and all that fun long weekend stuff! And a great weekend to everyone.

Not really posting, just reliving...

Okay, so I've been travelling around the blog world trying to get caught up on what's goin' on with all my bloggy peeps. Unfortunately there just aren't enough hours in the day. I miss you all and find I'm going in circles, in various directions - so many places to go, people to "see". And I feel disconnected.

The one thing that I have made a conscious decision about, is BlogHer '10 which is taking place in NYC this August. I had such a great time in Chicago last year, meeting many of my blog friends, making new ones... I so wish I could do it again. But I'm finding that I just can't multi-task that into the cards. The big appeal for me before, other than meeting people and learning a bit more about blogging, was the "me" time. I suppose that nowadays I'm spending more time in hotel rooms without my kids than I can handle. (I say that as I tell my kids to give me just a half an hour of my own "sit down" time, but I think you know what I mean.) And let's be honest - I am nowhere near the level of blogging that I was at a year ago. Given the choice between an extra day and weekend with my family it was rather an easy decision.

I hear that there will be a Blissdom around these parts in the fall. That I might just have to have a look at.

This is the difficulty now that I'm a WOHM. I've decided not to blog about work and I have less time to blog to begin with. So although I have tons of blog fodder, it's got to stay in my head. Hmmmph.

So how to stay connected? Well, I've joined a book club with some of the mom friends I've made over the years of being at home. Yay for that. Now I just have to make the time to actually read the books!

The first one up - The Help by Kathryn Stockett (which I knew after a few pages, would probably be made into a movie. It's got Oprah written all over it). It arrived from Amazon yesterday and I'm already on page 85.

And since I can't stop reliving where I was a mere 10 days ago, here's my review of the resort on Tripadvisor.

Friday Fragments - A Pictorial

Total Friday randomness...

You know how we have our bed to ourselves now? Well, I forgot about this guy:

No, unfortunately it isn't some fancy marital aid.

I don't know if I ever told you, but I think our bedroom ceiling fan is haunted. Every summer, it gets a little warm in our bedroom, which sits over the garage. So we installed a ceiling fan, one complete with a light and three spinning speeds. It's wonderful what a little air circulation will do.

After about a year or so, it started to do some funny stuff. Like all of a sudden crank up from level one to hyper level three speed. Or if the light was off, it would turn on. Or the whole thing would shut off. All completely on its own. At first it used to freak us out.

We thought it might be the batteries in the remote. But we've changed them, and it doesn't make a difference. Some weird phantom just loves to mess with us just as we're trying to get to REM stage. So what do we do? We sleep with the remote...and whosoever happens to be awake when the light goes on at 3 AM, or the blades of the fan fly at speeds that threaten to decapitate us while we're in dreamland; well, that person has to hit the appropriate button. I think we're destined to keep those LOSER T's permanently...

*****

Welcome to our fridge:

I forgot that I put Ms. Little Pony in there for the girlie; hubs apparently saw it the other day when he went to get a beer, but didn't comment. Gee, this Dad thing must be old hat to him now.

Just so you know, this is our treatment for Little Pony vitiligo. Pony turns white when you hold it, so it must go back to deep freeze to get its pink on. Girlie is turning into an ingenious vet these days.

*****

MOOOOOOOOOOO...

Yes, I splurged and got blog cards for the upcoming BlogHer-thing-a-ma-bop...and while I was at it I also got myself a totally frivolous Betseyville bag for a steal at Winners. The animal print is as garish or as stylish as can be, depending on who you talk to.

It's a computer case, but looks like a typical carry-on, so people don't necessarily think you're carrying your laptop in there and won't steal it. Except now I've just told the internet. Great. Well, I'm in the market for a new one anyway.

Now I just need some comfortable but sexy shoes. Oxymoron, I know. Seriously, no Fashion Fridays in a long, long time means there's a void to fill.

*****

Oh, and my hairstylist is back from mat. leave. Whoopeee!!!

For better fragments, visit the home of Mrs. 4444 when you get a chance.

Friday Fragments: Don't you just love it edition...

Don't you just love it when...

- your daughter's best friend comes over for a playdate and somehow runs his face into the peeling trunk of your possibly diseased tree?

- your son grabs a door frame at school, splits his nail and thumb open (according to his telephone call and the explanation by his teacher), calls you 3 hours after it happens ... you call the doctor to make an appointment in case the boy develops gangrene, you bring the boy home, he passes out (in sleep); you wake him up and get to the doctor's office where he peels his bandage open and ... NOTHING? The doctor even takes out his ear-checker thing -a-ma-bob to magnify it and cannot find the wound. Guess the principal did a good job cleaning and sealing it. Nevertheless, the boy wants out of school for the rest of the year because he can no longer write. How convenient.

- you realize that you're behind on your kid's annual checkups so the boy has his since we're at the office... and it sinks in that your girlie will need a needle at hers. Oh fun.

- your daughter has a hissy fit at her best friend's house because he got TWO caterpillars and a cocoon while she only got one caterpillar and chrysalis. She doesn't understand that it's nicer that only one will die on our watch. Welcome to Catty II, to replace Catty I.

- you print out 200 photos from Costco because you save 5 cents each and it only covers six months worth of our happy, happy 2008; and then you realize that you don't have the photo albums to put them in... you do research to make a photobook for your husband's colleague as she's moving to Europe and you realize ... DAMN! You could be making photobooks with full commentary instead of kicking it old, old, old school.

- you need a new bathing suit and prepare to go bathing suit shopping ...and your son tells you that you should probably get back to the gym before, because apparently that's the natural order. Ouch, how'd I get such a smartie? So we're going to McDonald's for lunch instead.

- your head wants to go back to the gym, but your heart isn't into it, probably because it doesn't want to work.

- your husband is in Copenhagan for the week, his Blackberry and computer are not functioning, so even if he did have Skype it wouldn't have worked...and he only manages to call a couple of times the first of which we miss because I am screaming at the kids to quit fooling around and get into bed. But the first words he says when he connects are "I love you and miss you". Smart man.

Cannot wait for tomorrow at 5 PM.

Happy weekend, friends!

*****

For more fantastic fragments, visit the home of
Mrs. 4444 when you get a chance.

Friday Fragments

I haven't posted much this week, and I don't know if it's just an overall "meh" feeling I've been having lately. The weather has been just gorgeous, but I haven't felt much like going out or doing anything outside.

Well, with the exception of spending an hour scrubbing this:

Isn't that just beautiful? You know when they tell you that the composite deck that you're spending extra, extra money on so that you don't have to restain it every year; about the wonder of the material that is miraculously virtually maintenance-free?

They're LYING (and don't get up in arms, I know the manufacturers tell you they NEVER said it was maintenance free, but give me a royal break).

We got a new deck put in a couple of years ago, and went with the composite so that the kids wouldn't have to worry about splinters. So no splinters, but now it's so moldy that I don't want the kids dragging any lovelies from their feet into the house. A big deck that is totally grossing us out. The manufacturer sent me deck wash and mildew defender, but it never worked. We decided to try another off the shelf wash, which seems to make it better, but not gone.

Did I mention that I am so very NOT handy or outdoorsy? I should score major brownie points with hubs for this effort.

*****
I ran into a workout buddy at the mall the other day. We both had our 4 year old girls with us, running around as usual. She asked where I've been as it's been over 4 months since she's seen me, and she asked after my Dad. Last we spoke I told her Dad had cancer; she told me her Mom also had cancer. Dad left us January; her mom succumbed in March. Cancer sucks.

I'm going to try to meet her at the gym next week. Maybe that will make my blahs go away.

*****
I volunteered at the girlie's kindergarten class yesterday (my usual) and today, for a T-shirt Tie-dyeing event. The girl's teacher is a brave, brave woman. 20 plus 4 - 5 year olds with DYE?? Unbelievably, it went off without a hitch. The kids will wear their hippie numbers for their dance performance in a couple of weeks.

I also promised to contribute to the boy's bake sale at school. He asked that I make his favourite ... banana bread. Apparently they need three dozen slices for Monday. I'm using Jessica Seinfeld's recipe - it's got a secret healthy ingredient, but it remains the best banana bread I've ever tasted.

My husband is astounded at my domesticity.

*****

There's a woman who parks her car in front of my yard every day, waiting to pick up her daughter from the school bus which stops in front of my house. She's been there every day for the last three years at least.

Yesterday after she picked her daughter up, I got in the car with the girl as we had to do some last minute shopping before her brother came home. So I was behind the woman's car as she drove up the street ... and turned into her driveway about 10 houses up!!! What?!!

I know we're a driving obsessed community up here (and you do need a vehicle to get around as transit is not so frequently available). But seriously, her daughter can WALK about 3 minutes (run in about 50 seconds) and be at her front door step.

My mind is boggled.

*****

I grounded the girl this week. She threw a tantrum at her swimming lesson and refused to go in the water. She does this to me EVERY. FRICKIN'. LESSON. Usually I can cajole her to get in for the last 15 minutes. Then she does laps across the warm pool. So I gave her the option this time: finish the lesson and go on a playdate with her best gal pal for the rest of the afternoon as per usual, or spend the afternoon in the washroom at home, no TV, no treats for the rest of the day.

She chose the washroom.

And she did it (well, she sat for about an hour). When her father came home, she looked at me and asked if she was still grounded. I said "Yes". She turned to Dad proudly and said "I'm GROUNDED!"

I see some major, major headaches in my future.

*****

For more fantastic fragments, visit the home of
Mrs. 4444 when you get a chance.

Super Random Saturday

This post is going to go all over the place. Because we're now officially on...





so my brain doesn't have to work so hard. Not that it ever does, most days, at least it feels that way. Should be interesting when I start to do some work in the fall...

Hubby is off for a few weeks; we'll see if he can stick to it and not check his crackberry overly much in the next little while. Perhaps if I just keep the kids after him round-the-clock that might do the trick.

I'm not great at these random thingy's, usually trying to carefully craft each post with brilliant precision (stop laughing), but it's Saturday morning, and this is what I feel like.

For breakfast:



Yes, Japanese pound cake from a Chinese bakery, likely made with pure lard.

Perfectly healthy, while I make my girl eat this:



Let's hope she manages to get a few flakes down without acting like I'm force feeding her fish food (but I suppose that's what they sort of look like). We don't want the drama of "Constipation the Miniseries" that happened earlier this week to go into reruns.

Other news on the girl front, well, here's her new sleeping buddy. (Never understood why anyone would think a RAT would be good stuffed animal material, but then I suppose my daughter is just that market...)



Hopefully her taste in sleeping partners improves with age.

This is the worst time for me to be having that type of breakfast, but I'm hangover free after a night imbibing 4 mojitos and fistfuls of Lays potato chips. I suppose this is what happens when I'm suffering from Bodyjam withdrawal. Not going to gym = pig out on all the junk in the house.

Yes folks, because I went a bit overboard on the last couple of sessions at the gym, my back feels like I've been playing...

24/7 for about a week. I'm forgetting that I don't have a 20-year old body anymore. It's fun to play with the 20 year olds, but the body is good at reminding me that it ain't all that any longer. Oy.

What will we be doing on vacay? Not a whole heck of a lot. A few day trips with the kids, stuff around the house, we still need to get the kitchen finally, finally finished because in addition to more Cowbell, we need a light in here....



And a garage sale is likely in order ... ugh...

I'll still be around, but likely posting sporadically (I know you don't believe me, but I'll give it a try, honestly I will!)

Have a great Saturday!